About Christian Nationalism

I saw the symbol on a navy blue pickup truck, parked on the street where I live. I’m in the process of moving out. That’s why I was out and about on that particular Sunday morning. There’s a church nearby that I’ve never set foot in. I had a bad experience at a different church in this town.  Although, to be totally fair, I went to several others that seemed perfectly fine.

Red, White, and Blue Jesus Fish

I don’t mean to be sarcastic. Religion and faith are actually, unironically, very very important to me — especially right now. It’s not just the hostilities with Iran. It’s not just the murder of Renée Good. It is a few matters that are deeply personal. I’m not sure how much more I want to say. People are incredibly quick to judge. Even when politics don’t come into it.

Anyway, we were talking about religion. Specifically, the red, white, and blue Jesus fish on that truck — and what it represents.

This statement:

“America is a Christian Nation.”

To some, that is deeply offensive and frightening. To others, it’s just the gosh-darn honest truth.

It sort of depends on who picks up the phone when the pollster calls. That’s the problem with data science these days. There’s no 360° method of getting responses from all people. You can walk up to folks on the street or in malls. You can knock on doors. You can query people on the internet, or by having them fill out a mail-in card. You’ll get different results from any and all of these sources.

What do Americans — and by that, I primarily mean those of us currently residing in the United States, whether or not we were born here, whether or not our first language is English — really believe?

It’s hard to say. I remember seeing this statistic in Newsweek when I was young. Grade-school young. That 95% of Americans believed in God — or some other astoundingly high figure. Not necessarily Jesus, mind you, or the Christian Trinity. Just the idea of one God.

“In God We Trust.”

It’s comforting. It’s even on our currency.

I spent about an hour this morning having a lovely discussion at a house church about a certain scriptural verse:

“No man can serve two masters, or he will hate one and love the other.”

Matthew 6:24

Specifically, this was how Jesus chose to close the Sermon on the Mount. Specifically, Jesus was talking about money.

Another curiously American value.

Along with religious freedom.

Remember, the Establishment Clause — otherwise known as part of the First Amendment — was written to protect the Church from the State, and not the other way around.

Really, anytime you get guns, money, walls, locked doors, and human nature together in a room — this includes a congregation based on faith — you’re going to have trouble.

Church people bicker. Church people make dividing lines:

  • “Us” vs “Them”
  • “Real Christians” vs “Those in Need of Saving”
  • “The Needy” vs “Those Who Are Welcome to Attend the Church on Sundays”

And remember, church populations include a whole lot of old people. People who may not be totally “with it” mentally, but still write the checks, gossip, and have a whole lot of time on their hands.

The problem is that faith gives people license. They don’t need to explain their actions. They can just say, “because I say so.” Which wouldn’t be so bad, except usually that’s couched as “because God says so.”

News flash: your pastor may be a wonderful or saintly person, but…

Your pastor is not God.

I don’t care how learned or inspired they are. They can make mistakes. They can have blind spots. Huge blind spots.

Blind spots. They happen in real life.

They may not seem like very much, but if you’re backing out of a parking space and only using the rear-view camera, you can run over a child. I’ve seen children get out of parked vehicles suddenly — even in shopping malls. On a Saturday afternoon in March, at Lloyd Center in Portland, Oregon.

The above is what we call a metaphor. But it’s really just an illustration that a blind spot may not be where we think it is. It may not be what is right in front of you. It may not matter what speed you’re traveling, or what the conditions on the road ahead are.

A blind spot can result in a fatality. At any speed.

So — about “Christian nationalism”?

I don’t have much truck with it (sorry, pun intended).

The problem is that it is in direct contradiction to the Great Commission (Matthew 28:19), found at the closing of the Gospel of Matthew, and also Mark. Go and make disciples of all people in every nation. It is an extremely theologically central invocation.

The idea of a religion that is open to all, regardless of nation or tribe, is what defines Christianity — like Islam, but unlike Judaism or Buddhism — as an evangelical religion. That is to say, one that seeks converts. A lot of secular people the world over, and especially close to home, are not comfortable with this aspect of the faith I was raised in.

I’m not an expert. I have never, ever wanted to be a priest or a pastor. Not even a deacon, for heaven’s sake. That’s not my calling. And see especially the comments above about buildings, locks, walls, gates, and human nature. I just went looking for a home church in Oregon last summer because I was severely ill and knew I would need medical transport at a few times in the future. What I found instead was God looming large and unmistakeable. Maybe not enough proof for total certainty. But enough to keep me going through difficult times. No better coping mechanism.

If you were looking for some sort of post about AI, or about literature, or something fun and breezy and lightweight — I’m sorry. I got freaked out by a red, white, and blue Jesus fish on a truck this morning. But all the same, my religion tells me to pray for the person who drove that truck to my neighborhood, and then thankfully drove that truck away — because we have at least a few things in common.

It’s so easy to rush to conclusions. So hard to actually live out the principles of a religion that is grounded in love. Not a lot of other hard and fast rules to it.

Blah blah blah.

I should note that a lot of the culture and jurisprudence of the United States has in fact been shaped by different variants of Christian theology — remembering, of course, that if you go far enough back, the Europeans who ended up in this particular stretch of North America were mostly dissenters and people who were made to feel extraordinarily unwelcome in the countries from which they hailed.  (Problem being, of course, people were already living here. The oppressed quickly became the oppressors.)

I think that we are, as a culture, far more secular than we were 20 or 30 years ago, when I was coming up. I think that has a lot to do with the end of the Cold War. Maybe also with the explosion of knowledge fueled by the internet. But most of all, because this has been a good time for a lot of us — here at the apex of our century’s civilization.

Unparalleled prosperity.

People don’t typically look for faith when things are going well. This is paradoxical, because having a faith community of any sort — definitely, for the most part — helps things tend in that direction. As in, “go well.”

A social circle. Pastoral care.

What is frightening and sad is when people get excluded from that circle — and when gossip, prejudice, and snap judgment do a lot of the work to cause people to step back.

Again, another part of my religion tells me — and others — that we should not judge, lest we be judged.

Unless, of course, you are an actual judge.

Those have included women pretty much since the dawn of recorded history. Pretty cool, eh?

We could in theory have a Supreme Court someday composed of nine women and no men — chosen strictly on merit, of course! What would that look like? No more or less diverse than many governing boards of many gigantic financial entities, including corporations, trusts, and foundations.

But enough with the gender politics. Being female, I have to bring this stuff up occasionally.

I guess I want to say that where Christian nationalism becomes not only frightening but truly abominable is when it is simply a cover for white racism.

I know where those people live.

At least some of them.

It’s this majestic, mountainous state known as Idaho.

I’ll be moving there in August, to a quaint campus town called Moscow — so named because of all the wheat farming in the region.

Luck and prayers appreciated.

 

"Jesus Truck?"

Operators Are Standing By…

Just kidding. I feel slightly sheepish actually hawking a product so blatantly.

Southern Cross, A Book by Tess Gadwa

Southern Cross, by Tess Gadwa:  True stories of miracles, visions, voodoo, snake handling, civil disobedience, and my search for existential answers along the back roads of the Bible Belt.

I’m going to add the links here for the free PDF download of Southern Cross, the book I researched and wrote while a bored housewife seeking truth and meaning in the Bible Belt. You can also buy a copy on Amazon (Kindle or print). The free version of the book is older and less edited — I’m sure it has a lot of typos. It also has some of the original line drawings that accompanied the project.

You don’t need to sign up for a mailing list to download it. No strings attached whatsoever. 

I need to emphasize that this book was written for Christians seeking to find common ground with other Christians. If you are not Christian and are seeking the right spiritual home, please know that finding “a good church” can be difficult.  I left organized religion about 12 years ago. I sort of know what the right faith community would look like for me and it would be a place without walls, paid staff, or dogma. Built on friendship, good intention, and mutual support.

 

 

 

 

Collision Course

Imagine two families living side-by-side on the ground floor of a multi-story apartment building. They do not live in Oregon, but in some quaint and more geographically settled area, where gas heat and gas stoves are the norm. It is a sunny Saturday… one of those days when the great outdoors calls out and demands to be explored, with gusto and enthusiasm.

Red SUV Driving Away from Multi-Story Townhome

Two couples set out just minutes apart, in two different SUVs. They speed away in opposite directions. One is heading to the mountains. The other is heading to the shore (with perhaps a stop at an outlet mall or a brewpub somewhere along the way). They want to get an early start. They have been working hard all week and are fearful of losing the day. But before much time has elapsed, one person in one car starts to wonder: did she leave the stove on?

Blue SUV on a Sunny Day

This has never happened before, and Ellen is usually very careful about these things. Even OCD. But she had never lived with a gas stove before. Its novelty speaks to her of danger. She remembers turning the gas stove on, to heat up water for instant oatmeal.

But she has no memory of turning the stove off. Why would she?

After much inner debate and turmoil, she brings up her concern. They pull over in the parking lot of a nearby convenience store, so that they can discuss the matter further. After several minutes of intense discussion, it becomes clear that her anxiety is going to ruin the trip unless they head back home.

She convinces her partner to turn around, “just to check.”

Meanwhile, three and a half miles away, the other couple is bickering about the very same possibility. The driver, Craig, is worried because his girlfriend insisted on making them both French toast that very morning before setting out. He is feeling gastric distress from the rich food and secretly wondering if he might be lactose intolerant or allergic to eggs. But he cannot admit that possibility out loud! Instead, he thinks of a convenient way to deflect blame.

He accuses her of leaving the stove on.

She angrily denies the accusation.

He leans across the driver’s seat to confront her. Now he is almost positive he remembers the smell of gas. He tells her so.

“All right, we can go back. But please make it quick!”

“You got it, babe.”

They pull a U-ey though the center of town and barrel homeward, at top speed.

You guessed what’s coming next…

Both vehicles turn abruptly into the narrow parking lot of the apartment building. Both drivers are distracted, and driving a little too fast. They are only a few feet away from their own front doors. They swerve in opposite directions, and in the process collide.

One SUV actually flips, and hurtles through the window of their neighbor’s gas-flooded kitchen.

The result is a fiery conflagration. The entire building goes up in flames. The people in the two vehicles perish. Because of the immense niceness of the day and the complete disappearance of Saturday morning cartoons, no children or pets are harmed.

Neighbors - Four Panel Comic Depicting Two SUV's and a Fiery Explosion

 

This is the best I can do.

It’s possible to draw lots of inferences from this story. Most notably, don’t speed and don’t necessarily leave the womenfolk to do all the cooking.

It’s also not an indictment of natural gas from a safety standpoint. Serious fires can be caused by something as simple as an electrical cord left too close to a burner. Deaths can be caused by generators1 used indoors or garages. As a foodie, there is no substitute! I miss my JennAir from Charlotte, North Carolina — as well as the ancient and nameless stove that served me well for eight idyllic years in rural Massachusetts.

But yes, there is a lesson to be learned here. I’ll get to it shortly.

In this hypothetical thought experiment, the gas main would not have been damaged if somebody had not left their stove on, releasing a significant amount of combustible gas vapor into the air.

But which stove? Which kitchen?

Here is where we encounter several possibilities.

In other words, Ellen (the oatmeal eater) simply forgot whether she left the gas on in her apartment. She had a memory lapse. She was coming back to check on the situation. Had she and her partner not collided with the other vehicle, the situation would have been contained and everything would have been fine.

Craig (the guy who ate the French toast) convinced himself that he had smelled gas. This might have been an example of confabulation (in other words, manufacturing a false memory). This urgent but totally rational fear led him and his hapless girlfriend to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

But what if Craig’s memory was the true one? What if Ellen was imagining things?

Same outcome.

Change up the positions and the velocities of the two vehicles, or change which couple had rented which apartment, and it wouldn’t matter.

 Where am I going with all this?

We all know about fake news and fake memories.

We recognize that many people lie out of habit and even forget what the truth is. But that’s not all. We assume that others can be misled, then conveniently adopt the narratives that fit with our own experience and beliefs. That’s old news.

Objective reality? What’s that? Do you actually believe there was a moon landing?

We know the power of the crowd — the influence of suggestion, of propaganda, of mass hysteria.

What we forget is that memories and perceptions change of their own accord, independent of any direct causal event. When two or more sets of memories interact — particularly when these memories are different or opposing, and when a fear factor is present — the potential for conflict is high.

The scientific method yearns for an objective truth. A single, definitive answer. We want our heroes and villains. We want to know what actually happened.

Come on, storyteller…

Who is at fault? Who really left the gas on?

To the insurance company determining fault and cause, the answer matters. They are the money people. The bag holders. They need forensic evidence in order to proceed with processing the property owners’ claim. To everyone else, we just have a senseless tragedy. Who was at fault is not important. Both sides, or neither. Mistakes compounding mistakes.

The moralists just throw up their hands and walk away. Senseless violence. Hasty actions with terrible consequences. They surround us.

The optimist looks for a lesson from the story and remembers that this is a work of fiction and not an item from the local newspaper. (Although these days you never know…)

I included two symbols, placed very intentionally.

Here are the cheat codes:

 

The first symbol is the natural gas line. In this example, it represents the power of the state. Specifically, police and military power. But you could also expand this metaphor to include licensed possession of firearms — or medical and teaching licenses. Much like public utilities, these are systems that taxpayers fund and often take for granted. They lawfully grant individuals the authority to make life and death decisions. In a democracy — at least in theory — we as citizens set the rules.

The second symbol is the explosion that engulfs the building. And no, I didn’t place it there just for effect. Those flames represent violence — lives lost, and the grief of loved ones. But also risks to the first responders who arrive at the scene. As well as environmental damage and financial disaster (we will assume not all individuals in the building had renters’ insurance).

There are so many kinds of evil lurking in the world…

What I am trying to get at here is preventable evil.

This is the type of harm that occurs due to ignorance, stupidity, and sheer bad luck. It is inescapable. But with the right outlook, we can cut down on the number of incidents.

It really is still about how we treat our neighbors. What assumptions we make, and how quickly we move to act on them.

None of us are infallible. Neither the present, the future, or the past are totally within our control.

Liberating ourselves from fear doesn’t free us from the consequences of other people’s fear and stupidity.  In the short term, it can make us targets. Cultivating an attitude of patience and generosity, of awareness and forgiveness, might be a starting place. It might actually create network effects.

 

Never use an electrical generator indoors. (Source: https://www.cpsc.gov/Newsroom/News-Releases/2007/Know-Carbon-Monoxide-Dangers-Before-the-Power-Goes-Out)

Stay Warm, Stay Hydrated.

This, to the best of my knowledge, is Universal Good Advice.

Here is another piece of Universal Good Advice (UGA) from yrs truly: don’t listen too much to other people’s advice. Instead, figure things out for yourself.

To some, this directive may be threatening — in particular to lawyers and to a certain class of therapists. Historically, hackers and lawyers have a relationship that is at best glancing and at worst adversarial. Based on what do I make this generalization? Life experience.

What does it actually mean to be a hacker? Check pdxlocal.net for a few thoughts relevant to that topic. They’re in there. Along with about a million other topics relevant to me personally, and fitting what I saw as the dominant Portland ethos ’round about the last time that I lived there.

Which was some time ago. Depending how you measure time.

I helped my parents sell my apartment — a sweet condo in the fashionable but still, shall we say “edgy” neighborhood known as St. John’s — in June 2023. Anyway, that was when the deal closed. But I’ve been back to the city a fair amount since. Rented an Airbnb for a month there in May of 2024, trying to make up my mind whether to return there permanently. Finding a place to live would not have been a problem but I passed at that time, for several reasons.

The two most significant:

Severe Repetitive Strain Injury (RSI) made me feel antsy about my chances of completing the Computer Science Postbac program that would have prepared me to get a Master’s in CS. True confession: I was an English major and only took one programming course before graduating. I need an advanced degree in order to be able to teach, even at the high school level. And also because, well, you don’t know what you don’t know until it comes up and bites you in the You Know Where.

I am a rape survivor. To the best of my knowledge, the man who raped me still lives in Portland. More about that another time. Seriously, it can wait.

Anyway, what I wanted to talk about was what to do if you have a respiratory infection that just won’t go away. Such as COVID. Or RSV. Or whatever it is I’ve had, off and on, since the Spring of 2023.

I am still not sure but staying warm does seem to help. And we all know about drinking fluids.

Found out recently I had COVID. This was surprising to me because it seems like I’ve been tested for everything under the sun, in inpatient settings and out of them.

Was denied Paxlovid, because of a complication with another medication that I’m taking. Actually had a scheduled doctor’s appointment last Tuesday at my local primary care office to talk about my problems breathing, but he cancelled it after I showed up early in the waiting room  and told the receptionist I had COVID. I didn’t mind. There were also children in that waiting room. The advice on my electronic chart when I returned home was all too familiar. You guessed it: rest and stay hydrated.

Am still a bit concerned, especially since I’m still running a fever — more than a week after the test came back positive from the Urgent Care Center.

I may be immunocompromised due to the loss of a uterus in September 2022 (if you don’t know what fibroids are, look it up or read my account from earlier that same year). Or maybe for some other reason. I am 49 years old. I get tested regularly for STI’s/STD’s.

About those test results…

I had a strange experience last February. I was wearing an olive green monokini and sunning myself in a deck chair. The guy in the chair next to me looked me up and down and asked if I’d had breast cancer? I said no. I volunteered that I was HIV-negative. He seemed elated by this news. He volunteered that he was of Kurdish descent, and now lived in Philadelphia. He told me he worked in the building trades. I noticed he was wearing a rather unusual baseball cap — one that I have seen elsewhere. It was a flag similar to the Stars and Stripes, but grayed out. I asked if he could find me a safe house in Philadelphia. He said no, but offered to get me some of the free punch that was being served by the pool and then invited me to dinner.

All of this transpired in Miami Beach, Florida. Why I was there and not sheltering at home in the gloomy, mist-ridden Oregon Coast? Business, actually. Ironically enough, a healthcare startup. Had a cofounder in South Florida.

I did ask for a doctor’s advice — different doctor than the one at the family practice — about whether I was safe to fly, but never heard back from him. Had to leave a message at the reception desk. No idea if he even got it. I reasoned that heading some place warm and lying out in the sun was what any doctor would have done, so I made my way to the airport and never looked back.

A fateful decision, and probably not the right one.

Fifteen Reasons Why Experience Matters

Usually, when we think of the word “experience,” it’s measured in years or months. It’s a form field to be filled out in an online resume. We all want a certain amount of experience — but not too much.

This isn’t an HR post, although wisely or unwisely, I’m becoming less timid about sharing the contents of my personal blog in professional settings. Instead I’m examining the term in the absolute broadest sense. Discussion encompasses my actual job — user experience consulting — but also moral, political, and philosophical questions.

“Experience”

1. We all have it. Whatever our age, whatever our history or demographics, we are shaped by our past and our memories.

2. Experience can be measured. It is both universal and highly subjective. That is the beautiful paradox. Whether it manifests in actions, in votes, or in survey results, experience is more than a figment or an intellectual abstraction.

3. Experience is not in infinite supply. All of us have a finite amount of time on this planet. In our daily lives, we have limited attention and ability to absorb information. As many of learned in Econ 101, scarcity creates value.

4. Experience is highly personal. It is a unique adaptation, by definition “squooshy.” It plays out our bodies and our brains. Nowhere else. While AI’s may effectively mimic or even surpass humans when it comes to specific skills and types of interactions, even the most sophisticated Large Language Models do not retain memories of specific conversations or form attachments to individual people.

5. Experience means it’s all right to care. As a system of measurement, it doesn’t exclude or invalidate emotion. Instead, it takes it as a given. But it also shouldn’t exclude rational or logical discourse! Anything that you ever read in a book or learned in a class becomes part of your experience.

6. Experience leaves room for difference.

7. Experience points out common ground.

8. Experience encompasses everything: different learning styles, modes of perception, and the way in which our memories can shift and alter over time.

9. Recognizing the value and validity of experience does not imply sophism or moral relativism. Quite the contrary! Let me explain why. It is a framework of knowledge — a grid and a rubric for making choices. As such, neither systems thinkers nor poets and activists need be afraid of it. The beauty of experience is that it can ground our common truths, while still making room for difference.

10. The fundamental unit of experience is not ASCII, or binary, or MIME-encoded video. It is storytelling. If you ever read a book or saw a movie and enjoyed that work of fiction (or hated it) that’s experience. Likewise with vivid dreams that stay with you after waking. If you can explain something as narrative — that is, with a beginning, a middle, and an end — then whether it is imaginary or real, it has become part of your experience.

With that in mind, I’ve left the last five items on this list blank.

11.  …

12.  …

13.  …

14.  …

15.  …

I’ll elaborate in future posts. Or you can just use the space to contemplate your own experiences — whether they’re stowed tidily in the past or continuing to impact your present.